The internet has changed how kids learn about sex, but sex ed in the classroom still sucks. In Sex Ed 2.0, Mashable explores the state of sex ed and imagines a future where digital innovations are used to teach consent, sex positivity, respect, and responsibility.
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Sure, while Australia banned guns, has one of the highest minimum wages in the world, offers free healthcare — it, like America, and many other countries, still lags on sex ed.
Although I started learning about the birds and the bees in grade five, when I progressed into an all-boys high school, there wasn’t much of a shift away from the mostly biological, clinical focus of sex ed.
There was the usual stuff: How to put on a condom (hello, banana), what kind of sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) you could contract if you didn’t use protection, and what genitals look like.
I went to a publicly funded all-boys school, but for those who went to a religious or private school their sex ed could have been entirely different — as those schools can legally teach whatever they want in sex ed. That, and it isn’t compulsory.
“There is currently no consistent standard of sex, sexuality, gender and respectful relationships education in Australian schools,” David Rhodes, senior lecturer at Edith Cowan University’s School of Education, explained via email.
Quite simply, sex ed hasn’t kept up with what students need to know. According to a 2013 survey of over 1,200 youth conducted by sexual health advocacy group YEAH, 80 percent of Australian students want standardised education, and more than 90 percent want to know about relationships and sexuality.
I was one such kid who wanted to know, but as an adult, I’ve realised there were some things that were missed along the way.
1. Some people aren’t straight, and that’s cool
Even though my sex ed was progressive in that there was mention of how people are gay, lesbian, trans, or asexual, they were framed as out of the norm.
That exacerbates a problem at schools: A majority of Australian LGBTQ students reported bullying, and 80 percent of it takes place at school.
In 2010, the Australian state of Victoria tried to remedy this with a non-compulsory program called Safe Schools, which aimed to reduce homophobia and transphobia, and foster a supportive environment for LGBTQ students.
The program was meant to expand to other states, but was defunded after intense lobbying from right-wing politicians, commentators, and religious groups, worried about “inappropriate content,” and as one senator put it: “Bullying kids into conforming to what is the homosexual agenda.”
With high levels of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and even suicide among LGBTQ teens, students need more than ever to know that’s it’s cool if people are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans — and if they are, what they need to know about practicing safe sex and navigating sexual relationships.
2. What consent looks like
When it comes to consent, I was taught that I could say no — but that was more broadly in terms of relationships, rather than sexual contact. According to a 2015 survey of 1,000 Australian young women and teens by Equality Rights Alliance, a nonprofit that advocates for women’s equality, 63 percent said they were not taught about consent in sex ed.
In the U.S., only 10 out of the 24 states and the District of Columbia that require sex ed also mandate the curriculum include “consent,” “healthy relationships,” or “sexual assault,” according to the Center for American Progress, a non-partisan think tank.
Not only should schools be teaching consent, students need to learn the nuances — silence does not mean consent. As the Aziz Ansari sexual misconduct accusation earlier this year highlighted, for many women, saying no — or leaving an uncomfortable situation — is not as straightforward as one may think.
One preferred model for teaching consent is enthusiastic, or affirmative consent, which ensures that one asks first to have sex and asks often in the midst of doing it. And that one can change their mind and say no during the act, even if they consented earlier.
Affirmative consent is already integrated in conduct policies at some U.S. universities, including Columbia University and public universities and community colleges in California. But given our teenage years can be when we have our first sexual encounters, why not get it earlier?
3. It’s not cool to send unsolicited dick pics
It goes without saying that sex ed hasn’t really kept pace with technology, but it would’ve been cool to know some simple rules about sexting or approaching people online.
Like dick pics: It’s never OK to send one unsolicited, but when it’s OK, it can be enjoyable. Or how creepy it can be to approach people on another social media network, especially if you don’t like them back on a dating app like Tinder.
Really, people shouldn’t have to learn what’s digitally acceptable when it comes to sex and relationships through memes.
4. Porn is not like the real thing, so what is real sex like?
More than ever, teenagers are watching porn thanks to faster internet speeds and endless free content.
These days, they’re learning a lot about sex from it, too, and it’s not always a good thing. Orgasms are nowhere near as instantaneous as they are in porn and aggressive or demeaning actions that frequent porn are not always normal in a sexual relationship (BDSM excluded).
Advocates have been calling for porn literacy, which helps students form a critical eye when it comes to the pornography industry, for some time. A porn literacy course created in 2016 is part of a pilot program in Boston, Massachusetts, where high school students from across the city learn about healthy relationships in addition to better understanding porn. But it’s a rare city-funded program.
When you’re just starting to form ideas about what sex might be like, it’s helpful to discuss how sex really feels or looks. For example, knowing that women don’t necessarily orgasm from penetration and some find it difficult to do so at all should be taught in sex ed.
5. How to have a healthy relationship
Growing up, I felt like the biggest contributor to learning how intimate relationships work was teen TV soaps like The O.C. and maybe the odd episode of Degrassi.
But unlike the dramas on these shows which would eventually resolve — likely soundtracked by soft indie folk music — the reality is that we were never taught how to navigate conflict in relationships in school.
Being taught how to keep calm and manage frustration in relationships could help reduce rates of family and domestic violence. The UK is set to make this kind of relationship education compulsory from 2020.
It would also be useful to be challenged on the archetypes of what it means to be a man or a woman in a relationship, and the sexist assumptions that underpin some heterosexual partnerships.
Limiting gender roles can contribute to radicalised misogyny, namely in the form of incels, a community of “involuntary celibate” men who blame women for not having sex with them, or the seduction/pick-up community, where shadowy techniques are employed to trick women into sleeping with men.
In the absence of good information, people end up getting terrible advice online instead. Schools are meant to prepare us for the future, and a comprehensive look at the often confusing world of sex and relationships should be part of a well-rounded education.
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